Monday, August 8, 2016

For my buddy

This past weekend was both physically and emotionally draining. I had a six hour competition on Saturday. 24 hours earlier, my dog died.

I'm sad, tired, and heartbroken. 

Dundie went in Thursday to have his gallbladder removed. The day before, they had done a bunch of tests to make sure his heart could handle the surgery. They called us Thursday afternoon and said the surgery had been successful and he was resting comfortably. My dad got a call Friday morning and they told him Dundie's blood pressure had dropped and his heart was failing. My dad got another call soon after and they told him Dundie's heart had failed and this time they weren't able to revive him. He passed away. 

I came home Friday after coaching at CFC expecting to go visit Dundie at the hospital and bring him home the next day. I arrived home to my dad waiting for me in the kitchen, my mom sobbing, and my dad telling me Dundie died. I don't think I've ever been so sad or cried so hard. I kept repeating "no" over and over. I said they told us he would be okay and they said his heart could handle it, but my dad said sometimes this just happens after surgery. They did the best they could but he just couldn't hang on any longer. I was devastated. My dad and I went to the hospital to say goodbye to him and that was really hard. I couldn't really wrap my head around the fact that I would never see him again. 

On the way home, I realized I had to compete on Saturday. I told my dad I had no idea how I was going to get my mind right to focus on competing but he told me I should do it anyways because it would be a good way to get my mind off of everything. I wasn't sure if I was going to end up at the gym on Friday but I decided to go. I was sort of in a daze the whole time and cried twice in the bathroom. I did feel a little better while I was there but then I just got sad again as I was driving home, realizing Dundie wouldn't be there. 

I sent Emily a text Friday night telling her what happened and told her I might not be 100% focused at the competition. I still wanted to do it but at this point I wanted to just have a fun day with my friend. I didn't care if we made the podium or if we came in last. This didn't mean I wasn't going to give my full effort, but I honestly didn't care about the outcome anymore. 

I'm glad I ended up doing the competition because it was really fun and it made me feel better. It was a great day hanging out with Emily and we did really well on all the events (minus that wall climb.....). We both hit our goal numbers in the first event, we smashed the second event and we also crushed the floater workouts. We executed everything really well and I am really proud of our performance. I honestly had no idea how I would feel physically since I had basically been crying for ten hours straight the day before and I was already pretty drained physically and mentally. I basically just got my shit together before each event and focused on one thing at a time. I wasn't really worried about anything and I knew we would do a good job. We make a great team and Emily (and Heather) are awesome friends to me. 

So now it's Monday and I'm still sad. A little bit less now that the shock has worn off, but it still feels like someone sort of stomped me right in the heart. I don't really want to talk to anyone but at the same time I want to be around people so I don't think about it. It's mostly just weird not having him around. He was a member of our family for eleven years, that's a long time to love something and then suddenly he's not there anymore. It has definitely been a hard adjustment but I know it will get better eventually. 

Dundie was just the best dog. He was my buddy. I looked forward to seeing him every day. It's such a sad feeling driving home and knowing he isn't going to be there. He was always happy, he was weird, he was stubborn, he was smart, he was the best. He was very loved by my family and I will miss him so much. 

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