45:00 walk @Loveland Bike Trail
Thoughts, feelings, and why everyone needs a best friend who believes in them
The past few weeks have been rough and I can't really narrow it down to one specific reason. I've been feeling drained, tired, and physically fatigued. Mentally I want to be "in" my workouts but physically I haven't been able to push myself to that point. My body is very tired. Like I said in the previous post, I think I need to increase my carbs and look into some supplements to help with my recovery/energy. I want to perform better because I really care about training but I need my body to catch up to my brain. I'm going to make a few changes and hopefully things will start to improve. Until then, I'm just going to continue to do the work.
A few days ago in a previous post I said I don't really recognize the athlete I am right now. The "fire" that I had over the summer is still there but it has been feeling pretty dim lately, sort of like when you make a fire and it burns for like two minutes and then it dies suddenly and all you have is sparks and you're trying to fan it to make it bigger but nothing is really happening. That's basically how I've been feeling. I WANT to push myself but I guess I lost motivation to do so somewhere along the way in the past few months. I think part of it has to do with how physically fatigued I've been feeling, it's hard to push myself to make it hurt if my body is sluggish and tired. Also, mentally it's been tough to get my brain into an "open" mindset because I've taken to the bad habit of comparing myself to others and worrying I might not be able to contribute once the open rolls around.
I was feeling sorry for myself all week when Friday afternoon I got a text from my buddy Megan asking me if everything was okay. I basically told her everything I had been feeling lately. She must have read my mind because earlier that morning I was literally thinking, "I wish someone would just tell me to get my shit together." Megan basically did just that, but in a way a best friend does.
First, she told me if I was feeling off physically then I need to take steps to get control. That means changing things around in my diet, looking into adrenal fatigue supplements, workload, etc. I'm the only one who can make a change if something doesn't feel right, and that's why I'm upping my carbs and researching supplements. I think I also need to drink more water and (try to) get more sleep.
Second (and she read my mind about this), she said I needed to find something to do other than coach and train. We make multiple sacrifices to make sure we have the proper time to train and also to ensure we feel good while doing it, but there is more to life than coaching and training. I was already thinking about playing more music this year and I would eventually like to join a band or try to perform more in some way. I think it's healthy to have something other than CrossFit in my life. I always forget I'm good at other things besides working out and I need to try and explore that more as well. Music is fun and I'm very good at it!
She told me I've lost perspective on how far I've come and not to forget I'm a Regionals-level athlete. This is true, I earned my spot on the team last year. I have the shoes and neck pillow to prove it. And I want to do it again.
She told me that at the end of the day I don't have to prove myself to anyone and that I'm on my own journey. I need to stop comparing myself to others and keep doing my own shit because no one is going to care more about my training than me.
She told me she believes in me, and I needed to hear that. I really needed to hear all of it. Sometimes you just need a friend to remind you how far you've come. The truth is- I want to go back to Regionals and I want my performance in the Open to reflect that. I want to be on the team and I want to go fuck shit up with my friends. I want to earn that spot just like I did last year. If we make it to Regionals then I don't want there to be a shadow of a doubt that I'm going. I want it to be a done deal. So, this is me promising I'm going to try and figure out my shit. I'm going to try and fix whatever's causing my physical fatigue and I want to get back to where I was. I'm going to stop worrying about what other people are doing and only worry about myself and my progress. I'm going to take it one day at a time and keep doing the work. I need to be nicer to myself because I'm strong and I've improved so much over the past few years. I fucking cleaned 225 a few months ago! I stood on the podium three times in one month. I'm a good athlete with good friends who remind me of that when I lose sight of my goals.
|Loveland Bike Trail|
It's a good thinking spot